Happy Holidays to the whole dog pack! Where ever you are and whether I’ve had the pleasure to smell you or not.
Here’s a story, mostly in photos, of how my humans took me to the beach and made me wear silly antlers.

The Antlers of Shame

First Elise started in the grassy area near my home. She said “Come on Ranger, look happy.” Right! Read my face my two-legged friend! Jeeezus, get these darn “Antlers of Shame” off me. Bah Humbug!

The beach above Santa Cruz

Later we went to the beach, Aunt Linda and another human came too. Aunt Linda is a good photographer and her photos we’ll mark, because I like to mark things, “photo credit: LCH.” She also titled this story “Holiday on Sand,” clever I thought. I love it when she unleashes her creativity.

This beach is very popular with my humans. They stare out into the ocean for hours and walk, looking for mysterious inedible things in the surf. I come here to run, and look for “ball dogs” to run after, I mean “herd,” and sample bits of drift wood. I also enjoy finding dead seals and pieces of chicken bone left at fire pits.

My favorite beach is up the coast a little further, Dead Whale Beach. They blew up a whale there years ago and chunks of it were tossed everywhere. There are still embedded carcass bits in the sand, like fine cheese strewn everywhere, absolutely wonderful place! But, I digress…

The beach, on another day, from above

Here’s what the beach looks like when we’re just walking along, greeting my friends. Everyone is my friend, so it takes a while.

Happy Holidays Yellow Puppy!

Hello dog named Leica.

I was looking ab fab, relaxed before my photo session. Could I get a Perrier? (photo credit: LCH)

Yeech! You sure you want to do this in such intense light? Not sure it's the most flattering.

Boring, boring, boring. Oh Holy Lord! Can I take a pee break?

I can’t figure out why they keep putting these stupid antlers on my head? Do you want me to identify with the livestock? Disguise myself for a big reindeer hunt? Or just laugh at me? Maybe it’s for a big movie role “Rudolph, the Real Story.” Who was Rudolph? What motivated him? I’m just not feeling the character.

Here's a shot of the session. She takes forever to get setting right. Boring, boring, boring. (photo credit: LCH)

Hey, check your aperture! (photo credit: LCH)

OMG, not again. Well, here it is: the beauty shot.

Here’s my holiday card, with me as “Rudolph the Red-nosed Corgi.” Antlers of shame, and red nose of humiliation, whimsical type font. It’s a wrap! (A Christmas wrap.)

Yes, so much better without the antlers. I had tried pitching them in the ocean. I had Yellow Puppy sit on them. We buried them in the sand. But they kept coming back and getting placed on my head. I finally just flung them dramatically to the ground.

I won’t wear these another minute! (We models can be a little temperamental.)

Oh naturale

Then they finally gave up and let me alone for awhile and I found something interesting, very interesting, to anoint myself with.

Aunt Linda wrote the narration for this, which is pretty much spot on (please click on the photo above and see the pictures larger):

1. Merry Christmas to me. I think something died here!
2. Uh oh. I’ve been spotted.
3. @*&%!, they’ve come to ruin my fun. Probably going to want to bathe me too. Crap. And I finally got my stink just right. Humans just don’t get it.

Surf as I see it

For the New Year I’d like to wish you all the best. I hope you remember where you buried your bones, that you remember to smell EVERYTHING, and that no one puts the antlers of shame on you.

Whoopeee! Running with Jeff

“In 2012: aim high, why not?
(and I’m not just talking about the fire hydrant!)”
—Ranger

Look what I found!

I wanted to just share with you a few photos of the most wonderful animals.  They smell good, look good, and seem like they might be fun to boss around. I stumbled upon them on a walk in the country.

I’m strangely attracted to these guys. I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to do something with them!

First I had to sniff them out.

Hey!

This guy is so amazing looking. I wish I could get to his ankles!

Woof! I mean, ahem, Moo!

Here’s the same guy as the first photo in brown tones:

Brown Cow.

Anyway, just sharing. It’s been so long since I’ve seen any goats or sheep, so these guys cheered me up some.

Below you can see a photo from the good summer days in Paicines.

Cattle in Paicines, Summer 2011.

Next subjects  I hope to cover: “Horses and Why I Like ’Em,” “Where’s the Hedgehog?,” and “Holiday Attire for a Corgi.”

“Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.”
― Steven Wright

Norman the steer, from the rear.

Dog posse on my birthday

I started my 3rd birthday, or whelpday, by waking very early December 8. Creeping out of my bed I went to find my humans sleeping at 12:03 a.m. “Hey guys, it’s my birthday! Now where’s that hotdog you promised me?” I was excited. They were groggy.

Many nights we walk past the luminous hotdog storage facility, aka 7-11. The smell is intoxicating. When the magical doors swing open the cleaning solvents sometimes send me into a fit of “reverse sneezing,” but it’s worth it to try and catch a whiff of the hotdogs. Various tube meats rotate for hours, days, on end in that place. (Smell photo below.) Why no one eats them I’ll never know.

Hotdogs, woof!

So Jeff and Elise have been telling me, for a long, long time that I could have one for my birthday. Now it’s my birthday, Ranger’s big 3rd birthday. Where’s the hotdog?

Egret and telephone lines on coast.

After going back to bed and sleeping a few more hours we took a birthday walk along the coast. My humans saw many cool things: ocean waves, birds, pretty sky, friends. I smelled many cool things: ice plant, garbage can, light pole, poo poo, sidewalk. Later we met up with some other humans, and my Border Collie friends Aero and Shiobahn. We had fun smelling ice plant, garbage can, sidewalk, dog pee. The Border Collies peed on things and then I peed on their pee, and then they peed on mine, good times!

Dog Friends

Dog Posse

When we got bored Aero, such a clever boy, turned a piece of ice plant into a toy and fetched it. We all had to admit it that was a lot of fun to toss it around.

Aero, what's that you've got there?

It was a good walk. We even scored some treats from Jeff. We all just stared and played “good” until biscuits fell out of his hand. This demonstrates the power of the mind. Do not underestimate what can be achieved by the power of the mind.

You will give the biscuits to us.

“An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language.”—Martin Buber

That night my Aunt Linda came over and we had hamburgers. Yum. After lying around getting my belly rubbed we walked out into the night air, chilly and fresh, and headed down the stretch with the razor wire and chain link fence, towards the “convenience store,” lit up like a smell beacon in the night.

For the first time ever my human went into the white light and came out with a gift in a red box with “Oscar Meyer” written on the side. (Who’s Oscar Meyer? I must Google him.) I knew what was in that flimsy box before she even got out of the store, my hotdog! That nice lady in the store gave that hotdog to me free for my birthday!

Yay, Happy Whelpday to Me! I’m a lucky Corgi!

If you’re a dog here’s my advice to you: On your birthday wake your humans early, the crack of dawn or sooner. Keep a clear vision in your mind of what you want. Then use the power of your mind to manipulate them to do your bidding. Never underestimate the power of the mind. Good luck!

Going to see my friend now

I’m just posting a few photos today. I wanted you to meet my Border Collie friend: Sienna, see our lawn, and introduce you to the wonderful game of Snack Ball. I have to get through some gates before I can see my friend.

Ooooo pretty leaves.

The gate is closed as usual

Knock knock

Hey, anybody home?

I see my friend through the knot hole in the gate! Want to come out and romp?

I invited Sienna to play a game of Snack Ball. Who wouldn’t want to play Snack Ball? She doesn’t want to play Snack Ball. She wants me to play snack ball and then share the rewards.

Friends

Snack Ball is a ball that, somehow, humans put food inside. The snack doesn’t come out until a dog runs after it a few times. Then the humans do a magic trick that involves me putting the ball exactly in their hand. Then the snack appears! Amazing!

Demonstration of how to bring snack ball to human

Sienna was distracted by the lawn. She usually lets me to all the fetching, and comes around later to share the treats.

Funny thing about my friend is that she has this red frisbee she’s played with all her life, and it’s the only frisbee on the planet she wants to catch. She has no interest in any other perfectly good frisbees, even frisbees that look identical (same brand, same color), even frisbees with good smells rubbed on them. She would just watch that wrong frisbee spin through the air and land on the ground barely cocking her head. Her frisbee had gotten pretty munched up over time. Bitten and torn up, it was just a chewed up mangled thing covered with spit. Her humans duct taped it, repaired it, and she kept playing with it no matter what it looked like. But it just kept getting smaller until it was a just tiny strip of plastic. So sad. Finally, when there was almost nothing left, her human duct taped the little shred of chewed up red plastic on a new frisbee. She finally decided that would be okay. What a relief. I was afraid she might just stop playing all together.

So I know this isn’t much of a post today. Really just look at the pictures. They pretty much say it all.

Remember that Snack Ball is a healthy game and usually the exercise compensates for the calories consumed.

The Lawn Ranger on the lawn